And the News in Brief: World Doomed as carcinogenic immigrants float into our jobs in their millions on a tidal wave caused by global warming, a meteor strike, the moon exploding and Muslim extremists, the economic depression will mean your house is worth less than your life (which is worth nothing if you happen to live anywhere there is oil).
The world is cooling or heating or something like stopping or speeding up, somewhere between Tuesday and a billion years we’ll be engulfed by the Sun and the liberal media is behind it all (if only Jade and Diana were still alive!) Ants are taking over, crop circles are letters from aliens asking us to buy a timeshare
… and finally, on the lighter side, all food is poison, beer gives you AIDS and anything fun will make your genitals fall off
…. goodnight